almost lover

forgive me love (repost)

I, went to your house
Walked up the stairs
Opened the door without ringing the bell
Walked down the hall
Into your room
Where I could smell you

And I, I shouldn't be here
Without permission
I shouldn't be here?

Would you forgive me love?
If I dance in your shower
Would you forgive me love?
If I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love?
If I stayed all afternoon oh

I took off my clothes
Put on your robe
Went through your drawers
And I found your cologne
Went down to the den
Found your cds
And I played your Joni
And I shouldn't stay long
You might be home soon
I shouldn't stay long

Would you forgive me love?
If I dance in your shower
Would you forgive me love?
If I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love?
If I stayed all afternoon

I burned your incense
I ran a bath
I notice a letter that sat on your desk
It said hello love
I love you so love
Meet me at midnight
And no, it wasn't my writing,
I better go soon
It wasn't my writing

So forgive me love
If I cry in your shower
So forgive me love
For the salt in your bed
So forgive me love
If I cry all afternoon oh

acceptance

 

Pain in relationships can either be categorized into letting go or moving on.  Letting go is sacrificing what was rightfully yours while moving on is forgetting what was never even yours to begin with.

But both prospects involve accepting in order to heal. Accepting that the person can never be yours or never will be yours again is the first step.

Acceptance is the hardest part especially when our emotions get the better of us.  It is like holding on to something which pains you – it is like struggling in the middle of the ocean wanting to live, wanting to be saved but the other person is at the shore just watching us drown.  It is like gripping onto the thorny rose knowing that we are bleeding but we still hold onto it believing that we would get the sweetest smell out of it.  But the irony of it is that no matter how much we want, no matter how much we need, no matter how much we desire, and no matter how much we love, we end up getting hurt and alone.

Maybe we did something wrong.  Maybe we were just meant to be taught a lesson but every pain that lurks in our hearts we wished that broken hearts can be mended by band aids like skinned knees.  But maybe just maybe we are still hoping that in the end they can be ours.  Sadly, no matter how we wish for our fairy tale ending it will never happen.

After few quiet moments, after a few “me” times, we get to the point of realization that what we want will sometimes not be ours so it’s best to let things go because they are not ours and are not meant to be in our lives.  Some are just passing by, some are just teaching us lessons, some are just stopping for a moment or two but no matter what their purpose in our life is, it is better to accept that there are instances in our lives that we have to let go or move on. 

Time heals all wounds, so they say, but accepting what has happened to our lives is one thing we should learn to do whether you loved deeply or got hurt badly, once in our lives we are hurt, once in our lives we are bruised but no matter how bruised or hurt we are in the end we get to stand up and live again and love again.

on moving on and letting go...

you can only love someone if you love yourself completely
and you have so much love to give..

you should never tell yourself
i'll stop loving him if i'm loving someone new
but instead
tell yourself
i'll stop loving him because i'm starting to love myself first..

TO THE GIRL HE LOVES

8:54 p.m. Wednesday 18 September 2002

Can I please have some words with you
And I’m hoping you would listen to me
Because this concerns about a boy,
The boy who I love
And the boy who makes me smile

We have been going on for a while
And he loved me,
Before you came along
Before you came into his life
And before he showed interest in you

At once he changes
From being my only love to a person unknown to me
Like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
And when I found out why,
I know it’s time to say goodbye.

He told me “Good friends we will always be.”
And I know that is how things will be from now on.
Though you may not agree with me,
I still love him and that will never change.

I feel very sad
An emotion, which I can no longer hide
I can’t stop my tears from flowing
As I continue to write

For if you will ask me,
If I love him,
A very simple “yes” will be my answer
But I don’t think it would matter,
For you are already the apple of his eyes.

For the time that has passed
For the time we have spent together
He has been the center of my emotions
Why my heart is beating and why I am breathing

For now, I am pretending he is with me
I know many nights will be sleepless
Many days will be full of illusions
Many hours will be spent reminiscing
Because I know he is gone for good

Maybe this happened
Because we are not meant for each other
Though this has caused me so much pain
I can’t help myself but cry
Which I think is the only thing I could do to ease the pain

So here’s message for you
Take care of him, adore him
Love him cherish him
These are the things I used to do
The things I would gladly do.

Just don’t tell him my heart is breaking
Don’t tell him I am crying
Because I don’t want him to know
And please do me a last favor
Offer to him the love I can no longer show.

Changes in my life (wrote this months ago)

It's almost a month since we've parted ways, I still miss the days when I could always call on to him any time I need someone to be there for me. I guess there are situations in our life that no matter how hard we try, things which are not meant to be will never be meant to be.

The irony of hello is always goodbye. I know that after sorrowful goodbyes there will be joyous hellos which I wish will not end in another goodbye. Goodbyes are sometimes needed to be said in order to know what lies ahead of us.

Goodbyes should not be taken negatively. I believe that goodbyes are said in order for us to grow, in order for us to know what we really want and what should have been done.

I never believed in destiny nor in fate but as far as I know, with every goodbye that is said, it leaves a mark in my heart which I am accepting with open arms and that every goodbye will bring me the content and joy that my heart always yearns for.

After five long years, I have accepted that there are something which are never meant to be. No matter how long we have fought for what we feel inside, it will always come to an end especially if it was never for you.

At the end of our journey, every pleasant hello, every painful goodbye we will realize that the memories that each hello and goodbye brought in our life lead us to comforting arms of the person we are supposed to spend the rest of our life with.